Lips slipped over mine. A hard dick behind rough denim rubbed against my thigh…and fuck did it feel amazing! My eyes trailed up tight, rippled abs, a throat slick with sweat, and a face that…crap, I couldn’t quite make out. Then the whole picture began to recede. No, no! My mind groped to stay beneath the edge of waking. I knew it was a dream and I damn well wanted to stay there!
I blinked up at an unfamiliar ceiling and cursed. “Ugh! Fuck!” I had a hard-on now and even with a foggy head and sticky mouth, I remembered enough to know I was in Will’s friend’s bedroom, and it probably wasn’t good form to jerk-off over the guy’s sheets.
Fuck it, I thought, shoving back the covers. I’ll be careful. There was a bathroom connected to this room, anyway. With that in mind, I pulled my cock out and started to pump, trying to recapture the feeling of the dream.
Then my fucking phone buzzed. I just wanted a few minutes to finish things off with my dream dude before facing the day! But my erection lost its fervor as the phone kept buzzing.
Griping, I grabbed my phone off the bedside table. Christ, don’t let it be Dad! When I saw it was Uncle TJ, I answered out of pure relief.
“Hey, kid. Just making sure you’re doing ok this morning. Will told me he was going to talk to you this weekend so…”
He did? Had we talked last night? Sort of… “Yeah, yeah, we talked,” I mumbled. Honestly, I just wanted to get off the phone and get back to jerking off or get coffee, STAT. My stomach was pissed at me for drinking last night and my head wasn’t too pleased with me either.
“Good, I’m glad,” he said. I was only half-listening. “I’m sorry it took him so long, but you have to understand, it was a really rough time for him. Dunno if he said, but he and Nate were talking about getting back together just before the accident…”
Wait, what? My mind might be hazy and hungover, but I think I would’ve remembered if Will had mentioned any of this. “Accident?”
TJ sighed. “Nate was in the hospital three days before he died. It nearly took the life out of Will, too. So, don’t be too tough on him about not explaining before—“
“Uh, yeah, I gotta go, Uncle TJ.” And I clicked off. Then turned my phone to silent.
What. The. Fuck?
My brain was trying to process everything as I made my way out to the kitchen. I could hear and smell cooking going on; Will was in front of the stove in an apron. “Like it?” Will chuckled. “I actually made eggs for us! How about— Hey, what’s wrong?”
He’d stopped the second he saw my face, and the way he looked at me—the compassion there, the warmth of his hand on my cheek—it ripped me between anger and frustration and hurt. I pulled his hand away and somehow met his eyes.
“Nate is dead?”
The way the color drained from his face was answer enough. “How—?” He stopped himself, mumbling something like, “Doesn’t matter right now.” Facing me head-on, he said, “I wanted to talk to you about that last night…”
“And what about the night before that? And the night before that?”
“I swear. Ask TJ.” He frowned. “Though I guess he was the one who must have told you.” He fisted his hands. “How early does that guy get up in the damn morning?”
“Yeah, it’s his fault.” It was also past ten am already. Whatever.
I stalked away, looking out the floor to ceiling windows. It was a gorgeous, clear day; the view of the Lake was amazing. And it was damn unfortunate that we had our own little storm brewing in this plush ass condo on a day this beautiful.
The sunlight didn’t warm me, and though I wanted to wrap my anger around myself in silence, I wasn’t much good at keeping my mouth shut. “So first the Photo Society, and now this?” God, he’d kept so much from me. “You’re good at keeping secrets, huh? Fucking earn an Oscar with how good you are.”
“Look, I wasn’t trying to be deceitful, I’ve been working though a lot of shit.”
“Fine. I’ll let you do that then,” I snapped.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. I’ll get a cab to Lance’s and pick up my car.” As I started to dial I began a rant under my breath. I couldn’t help it, verbal babble was what happened when I was this overwhelmed and pissed off. “Don’t know why we even took his car to the damn club and not a taxi. Oh, that’s right,” I groaned, throwing my hands up, “he sometimes likes to have sex in his car. I’m such a pushover!”
“You had sex in his car!”
Will’s look of horror was almost enough to break through my rage and make me laugh—but not quite. I rolled my eyes. “He likes to have his car for potential tricks! Not me, alright? Fuck, no one’s picking up!” I clicked off, made sure I had my wallet, and stomped toward the door—but my anger got the better of me.
Spinning around, I had to throw back at him, “It’s not like it would matter if it was me fucking him! Because you know what? We’re not together, remember? You’ve been so big on keeping us friends! Until you actually see me out enjoying myself, right?”
He sucked in a breath. I could see him trying to tamp his own anger down—but fuck that. I was done with all reasonable conversation. We were going to get all our shit aired out, no matter how much it stank!
“No reply? Hit too close to the mark?” I was being a shit and taking pride in it.
“You’re trying to bait me, and you sound like a brat.”
“Well, I am just a ‘kid’, right?”
“You’re sure as hell acting like one right now!”
“Fine! I’m a brat and you’re a dick. Are we good?” As I heard my own voice echo in the lofty apartment, all our snipping and screaming suddenly struck me as stupidly ridiculous. I tugged my hair and broke into a laugh.
Shaking his head, Will looked at me like I’d lost it—I probably had—and his scowl broke into a wry grin.
“So we’re both fuck-ups, huh?” He sighed. Rubbing his head, Will moved back toward the open kitchen. “We need some coffee. Can we have coffee and talk?”
I did fucking need coffee. “Yeah.” He rummaged through his friend’s cabinets and I flopped onto the sofa to try and think…but I couldn’t help watching him, and it was distracting. He must have had a change of clothes because under that damn apron he was wearing sweatpants and well, shit, I’d never seen an ass look that good in sweats. And with that thought all I could remember was dancing with Will the night before; the way his eyes darkened with want, the way he took my hips like he owned them.
Holding in a groan, I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. Why did everything have to get so complicated? If it could just be Will and me in a world away from relatives and the past and… yeah, and the sky was rainbows and I shat gold.
“Fuck,” I heard myself say aloud.
“Here.” The sound of a mug on the coffee table next to me was just about the only thing that could’ve gotten me to sit up and face the world then.
“Thanks,” I said, wrapping my hands around the mug and sipping. “Ah, there is light in the world again.”
Will chuckled. “A man after my own heart.”
Silence stretched out as we sipped.
“So,” Will echoed.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
There was a long sigh before he spoke, and even though I could see it was hard for him, I was going to push this. He wasn’t getting out of it. Finally he said, “It’s only been a couple years since…since he died.”
“A couple years sounds like a pretty long time.”
“Maybe on your timeline. Not mine. And…”
Will ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I had so many regrets. Ones I can’t do jack shit about now.”
I let that sit out in the air for a minute before I said, “I think that means you have to let it go.” God, this could’ve been me talking to my old man. I never understood how he could cling for so fucking long to the pain of Mom leaving. It corroded inside him, sapped his energy and slanted all his visions of the future. There was no way I was letting that happen to Will—no matter how pissed at him I might be.
“Yeah,” Will said, exhaling. “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
Getting up, I moved to sit by him. “What happened? Tell me.”
With a snort, he asked, “You really want to hear all this shit?”
“Yes.” I looked at him point blank and didn’t let him break eye contact. He hadn’t expected me to be so forthright. Or pushy. Well, deal with it. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Turning his gaze to the window, Will shrugged. “I never lied to you. We broke up, and for all the reasons I already said. But then…”
“You got back together?”
“No. We just…started talking about it. I wasn’t sure I could change.”
“You don’t give yourself much credit do you?”
His eyes found mine. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to change.”
“Oh.” Yeah, that was different.
“And then,” Will spread his hands, “he was gone. Fucking texting driver. Good thing I wasn’t there and never met them. Think it was some teenager, but I still would have pounded them into the ground.”
That was some pretty fresh anger to hold onto for years. “So, he’s gone, but I’m not wrong. You’re still holding onto him.”
Wiping his face, Will shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“I do,” I said, and I think I surprised him. “I see it in my Dad’s face every time he’s thinking about my Mom. You let something like that get its hooks in you and you’ll just sink, year after year.” Then I frowned. “And it’ll destroy things, the way you’re letting it get between us now.”
“Wait a minute,” he said, and he didn’t raise his voice, but I could hear the aggravation in it. “I wasn’t the one who stormed out the other night, before I could even explain.”
“Touché.” Letting out a sigh, I pressed my lips together and shrugged. “I’m listening now, though.”
“You are,” he replied, and I almost got a smile.
“So,” I pushed again, “talk.”
Will spread his hands. “I just did. You know everything now.”
“I know about the past. What about the present? I mean…” Why was this so stupid hard? “We’ve been stuck on ‘friendship’ for a while, but I think we both know we’re past that. Are you…ready for that?”
Giving a mirthless chuckle, he shook his head. “I feel like that should’ve been my line. You’re young; you could do whatever you like. I’ve got, well, baggage. You sure you want to give it a try with this old man?”
“Nice way to side-step the issue. I’m getting tired of telling you not to call yourself that too.”
“Old habits die hard,” he joked, but I could see the weight of his uncertainty in his eyes.
“You really think I’m so shallow that age is going to matter to me? Or your past?”
“Don’t spin this around. We both need to know where the other stands. I do have baggage, and it already made you up and run once.”
I set down my cooling coffee and pulled my legs up onto to sofa to face him better. “Fine. I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have run off. And you should’ve been upfront with me about your past earlier. Agreed?’
Good, he looked chagrined. “Agreed,” he said.
“Ok, now let’s put that behind and deal with the now.”
“Wait, who was that friend of yours from last night?”
“What?” I snapped, frowning. “Nice non-sequitur. I thought we were seriously going to talk?”
Will fidgeted with a loose thread on the sofa. “We are talking, and I want to clear out the rest of these, uh, background questions first.”
Huh. “You’re the jealous type, eh?” His brow wrinkled when I laughed. Frankly, considering the sad state of my social life, it was damn amusing that he’d actually think he had anything to fret over. “Fair enough,” I said, calming my laughter.
“Lance and I went to high school together. We weren’t really friends then, though. Acquaintances, I guess. Then after…what? Freshman or sophomore year of college I was home and I’d heard he came out. I ran into him somewhere and said we should hang out.” I shrugged. We’d connected by being just about the only openly gay guys we’d known in town—and even though that had changed over the last few years, we still shared a kind of solidarity. “We’ve always been just friends, though.”
Will made a grunt at that but didn’t pursue it. I had to wonder what Lance might have told him the night before, when I’d been tanked. We had always been friends; it’d never even crossed into friends with benefits. But, ok, we’d experimented together a bit. That didn’t warrant discussion, or jealously, so I didn’t feel bad leaving it out.
“Lance is out, yeah? And your dad is ok with you hanging out with a guy who’s out?”
I let out a breath and grabbed the coffee again for a quick refresher. “He doesn’t know I hang out with him.”
“And where did he think you were last night—or this morning?”
“He knows I was out clubbing, he just doesn’t know where. He doesn’t mind letting me have my nights out ‘cause he thinks it’s good for a guy to, I don’t know, ‘sow his oats’ or something before he settles down.”
When Will made a little frown, I almost leaned in to kiss it away, but I didn’t want to interrupt.
“I’m not trying to push you by saying this, but your dad is going to find out eventually. It’ll be better if it comes from you.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m…working on it.” It was my turn to find the sofa interesting. Then I took a breath. “Have we covered the questions? ‘Cause we haven’t really addressed,” I motioned between us, “this. We’re not just friends anymore, right?”
It kind of pissed me off that he paused before giving a, “Yes.”
“You’re thinking too damn much,” I told him.
Will shrugged. “I don’t know what my own future holds, so I’m not sure it’s right for me to get involved with anyone right now.”
I locked on his eyes, waited a beat, and told him, “Too late, sweetheart.”
That made him chuckle and shake his head ruefully. “Alright, alright! You’ve been warned and are a fully functioning adult and aware of your own choices. Let’s give this a shot.”
We both smiled from across the cushion between us, but it was genuinely weird to have such a cut-and-dry discussion about the simple fact we were going to date rather than be just friends.
“Ok, so we move this thing forward.” Finally. Although, I couldn’t help adding, “What now?”
Will’s reply was quick and clear—his hand slid around the base of my neck, pulled me gently in, and his mouth took mine. “Oh, fuck yes!” I grunted into his lips. As fast as I could move on the squeaky sofa (why does leather have to be so goddamn loud? How is that sexy?), I had my arms and legs around him and was pulling him atop me.
“Yesss!” I breathed. What was it about having a man’s heavy weight over you? It was so comforting and thrilling…and so fucking hot. Somehow it also made it more real that this was finally Will settling his weight between my legs.
“How did we wait this long?” Will muttered between claiming my mouth.
“Dunno,” I managed, nipping his neck and sucking at his skin like my life depended on it. “Now stop talking!” I ordered, thrusting my hard groin against his.
To my aggravation, he started chuckling over my mouth. “What the hell? Kiss me, you idiot!” I told him.
“Sorry!” he said, trying to get control of himself. “All you could do was moan about how good it was, then you’re telling me to shut up, and…” he broke down again, “it just…it’s fucking cute and hilarious!”
I rolled my eyes and smacked his arm, but I couldn’t keep from smiling. After all the heaviness of the morning, it was like we’d found a release valve and were giddy from it. Pushing him away, I titled my head then shook it. “Changed my mind,” I said and started to rise.
“Oh. No you don’t!” Will laughed with me as he caught my wrist and pulled me back down, straddling my thighs.
“Ya big bully!” I said with a mock-pout.
“Uh-huh.” He leaned down and took my lip into his mouth, sucking. His hands framed my hips and all my laughter transformed into need in a second. Yeah, it had taken way, way too long to get here, and now that we were, it felt like winning a prize—or maybe feeling the sun on your face after months of grey and cold. Only a hell of a lot sexier.
I would’ve chuckled at my ridiculous thoughts, but Will’s hips came down to pin mine right then, and all I could do was feel. Every bare touch to my arms or waist blazed a trail of fire and need.
Will gave muffled groans into my mouth, but he didn’t seem to be a talker. That was ok. I could go either way with dirty talk. I mean, it was fun, but I’d been with some guys who made it so dramatic and cheesy I’d literally laughed in their face. Which kind of broke the mood, to say the least.
I didn’t mind Will’s quietness as long as he kept touching me. “Yeah, there!” I gasped as he grazed his erection over mine through our pants. Definitely a thousand times better than a dream! “More!” I demanded, clawing my blunt nails down his back. I had no issue asking for what I wanted, and I was reaching my destination fast.
Will grunted and rocked his weight harder into me. I gasped in reaction like a plundered virgin, which I hadn’t been in years. But it was so good—more than good—and it had me on the brink.
“W-Will! Shit! I’m gonna—“
“Do it,” he rasped in my ear, and after all his collected quite, the deep, raw need in his words set my body loose.
“Ahhh!” My back arched off the sofa to slam into his hard chest as I soaked my boxers. For a moment I was so high I thought I might never make landfall again. But slowly, slowly, I came back down to earth. Will had squeezed in along my side, and was tracing circles over my belly, where my shirt at rumpled up.
“I guess I’m going commando today.”
Will’s eyes crinkled in the corners as we laughed.